Give me a reason
by Faraheim
Summary: Sakura accepts the fact that she is in love with her teacher one afternoon. She decides to leave and accepts the fact that forgetting him is not happening and comes back. Kakashi is dumb.


[Give me a reason _I will give you my dreams]_

Sakura accepts the fact that she is in love with her teacher one afternoon when she finally finishes calming the chakra pathways of his eyes, it's all consuming -the feeling she has for this man- the world doesn't stop though she's the only one frozen for a minute holding her hands in the air close, close enough to feel his breath.

"Something wrong?" Kakashi says startling her up from her realization.

Her cheeks redden and she feels stupid because since when does that happen? "Everything is more than fine Sensei" she moves quickly ignoring the weird look he sends her way and once she gets to the door she turns to say something- anything to defuse her shame.

He no longer sits on the stretcher. She huffs a smile

of course

 _[They say that love changes your smile]_

Everything is fine after that -she is full of lies- Nothing is fine. Nothing was wrong it wasn't like it became a big mess. Kakashi didn't love her like that and she tried not to be too transparent except she goes away for a long mission around Fire country she arms herself with resolutions and thinks to herself 'I will scrub the thought of him from my brain, the warmth of his hands when he saves her, his smile when he looks at her. when her plan of ignoring the issue around Konoha fails. After months comes back to realize that maybe he feels the same? What? and she finally kinda sees what they mean.

When two people let themselves love each other.

[Give me an illusion so I can enjoy the good times. _Let's start a new life]_

Sakura wasn't even phased anymore, okay she was, but she didn't show it outright. She learned her lesson, so looking up and feeling her heart bursting thanks to Kakashi's stupid smile didn't result in her relapsing into her fangirling ways of the past, sometimes her hands involuntarily clenched but that was all the reaction she permitted her body. It was so annoying, why couldn't she fall in love with an attainable person? Some no-name Chuunin that treated her right. Kami even a civilian! But no! first Sasuke and now this?!

But being fair, Kakashi wasn't like the Uchiha at all if you knew him well. Kakashi had a wide range of emotions, mainly him having fun at the expense of others, loyalty to a fault but what made her _know_ was his concern towards his people what made her realise that first time that she was in love with him. He would use the thing that hurt him most to help. To protect.

Several times she felt his warm embrace (more like Kakashi holding onto her because he was too injured or the common holding her off of civilians) just catching her in his arms during a fight. Knowing he had her back.

Of course it did help that Kakashi was quite handsome, sometimes when he slept on a mission near the campfire she would steal glances over the fire to appreciate his stupid face or the visible half, and followed the straight arch of his jaw, always hidden under a mask. The way his eyelashes fell over his light skin like tiny feathers.

Still Kakashi was not without fault she still remembers the ache when he abandoned her, in a Shinobi point of view she gets it, but according to him you don't abandon people. And that's what he did, left the people he thought were worth nothing. He has that cold side of his that forgets that other people exist, that he can hurt others so easily.

There was also that -she tries not to squirm- very nice addition to her job as med nin to have access to his body. Which she never had taken advantage of before and it was only with him, it still embarrassed her but it wasn't something she did often. Just when she felt too lonely and Kakashi had a check up and it wouldn't be weird of her to lift his Hitae-ate, and move the wild grey hair away from his face. Kakashi's hair was strangely soft and smelled really good (when he didn't smell like dog). She loved running her palms over the bare skin of his arms too when she didn't necessarily need contact to heal. She was a pervert but never that _much_ of a pervert, so she never went far with her harassment. Never ever going farther without his consent. Touching his muscles for five seconds was the only thing her mind would let her get away with.

The reason for this introspection was because while walking to the front desk of the clinic a nurse gossiping with another nurse while giggling mentioned her name, which drew her attention, quietly Sakura placed the patient's history on the desk behind them and filled a medical form while listening.

"Don't you think is a bit strange, Sakura-san is always stealing Hatake-san's appointments?" the nurse asked to her friend in a conspiring mood "do you think she has a thing?" the last word whispered like a dirty secret. It wasn't rare to hear this kind of talk, everyone had to find something to pass the time and make up things maybe even just making small talk was a relief from the stress because Sakura knew what a shift in the clinic was like. Boring and repetitive or horrific and you needed some stimuli to your brain.

Still she was aware of doing those things the nurse accused her of, she did it when it was 'convenient' to others. people were thankful for taking Kakashi off their hands. Still her face burned and she felt so awkward that someone else had took notice of it.

The other nurse whose name maybe was Hana scoffed a bit "I'm glad she does. Sakura-san knows Hatake-san is a bother, she knows how to handle him and she can hit him if he is being difficult, she does it with all the Shinobi she knows" Hana's words calmed her until the woman continued "Your argument can only be valid if you count the way she looks at him when he is being stupid. Only a woman in love can look at such a person like that" then they both laughed.

Sakura decided to make herself scarce and leave the papers for later when her skin wasn't as red as a tomato.

Throughout the day those thoughts still were bothering her. She was doing her best trying to hide her affection towards Kakashi. Sakura resolved to be better (less) smiling at Kakashi's weird faces was out and no stealing his appointments. She pouted a bit. that was the thing that brightened her day. She huffed and placed all her documents on Shizune's desk "I'm off, see you tomorrow!" Sakura called after Shizune when she left.

Once on the street she stretched, it felt good being away from the white lights and smell of antiseptic.

She walked towards her house in a slow pace, trying to decide if cooking was worth it, but remembered that she had forgotten to buy rice. When she veered off course to see if the rice was on sale she saw Kakashi in front of the bookstore. He was eyeing a book probably Icha icha's newest edition (but from this far she wasn't sure) she brought her foot close to her hand and took her sandal off, and with great effort she threw it towards his head where it impacted and knocked him off.

"Kakashi!" she screamed making other people look questioningly at her and concerned with the man on the floor, many after seeing Kakashi lost interest and continued on their way.

"Ah Sakura" Kakashi smiled when she reached him from his position on the dirt.

"Don't Sakura me! Instead of buying Icha icha for the millionth time pay me off, slacker!" she squinted at him on the floor when he returned her heeled sandal with droopy eyes. She was weak towards those. Damn him. When he didn't get up she huffed "weirdo" and reached with her hand to help him off the ground, he gladly took the offer.

"Did you finish with the clinic already?" he asked and started dusting himself off.

She felt kinda bad, but she was 50% sure he wanted to make the spectacle from before to add to his persona.

"Yup, I'm deciding if I want to eat out or if I should cook" she smiled darkly "but now that I found you, you are buying me rice and if you are nice we can have dinner" she didn't wait for him and continued to the store. If only Naruto could be there, lately all he did was being the Hokage's dog, poor Naruto he didn't really thought out that dream of his.

Once inside they bought some groceries mainly her, Kakashi only carried his bag of rice. They dorked off some more to the point where her cheeks hurt from too much laughing.

Like so many times before they cooked a simple dinner and spoke for hours until Kakashi left. It only occurred to her when she was washing the dishes that she had promised to be more cold towards Kakashi, she face palmed in embarrassment and forgot the soapy suds from her task "no!" she whined like a child when the lime detergent entered her eye.

When she finally made it to bed she was so tired that sleep took no time.

She was suddenly startled out of her sleep when someone knocked on her door. Sakura got up and scrubbed the sleep of her face "what" she hissed towards the annoyance

"It's me" the voice of Kakashi rasped from the other side

What did he want at this hour? Did Tsunade called in a mission? "Kakashi?"she whispered opening the door.

He looked skittish "can I come in?"

She felt more and more creeped out "yes? What's going on?" when she let him in closing the door behind her he said "I forgot my dog" for some reason that was completely reasonable, when he pointed to the bed Pakkun was under it. Kakashi made a hand sign and the nin dog disappeared.

Then she felt like taking his clothes off, it was kinda warm and Kakashi always wore too much. "It's hot" she said and helped him out of the jounin uniform, in a second most of his clothes were gone leaving him in his pants and mask.

"Yes, you look hot too, let me help you" he nodded towards her long shirt and got her out of it

She agreed she was hot, and when he touched her she felt a tug somewhere in her gut. Like a wildfire spreading. She felt him all around her, his hands running over her arms and then her waist. She looked up and his eyes were burning the got closer and they were on the bed.

He looked so good, he was lean but at the same time so sturdy and warm where his skin touched her. Then he was on his back and she was grinding on his erection it was king of forward of her right? But her mind shrugged it off.

Just before she managed to get his pants and underwear out of the way, and was god, so so close to being filled. He grabbed her hand "kiss me, just kiss me" he hurriedly begged

She smiled and when her hand lowered his mask to kiss him she screamed. There where his mouth and the rest of his face should be was instead only bones, like a skeleton with a Kakashi mask over the eyes

"What's the problem?" he said calmly then all of him was lacking in the skin and muscle department and she was sitting on a skeleton

"NOO!" Sakura lamented when she woke from the frightening scene she rolled in bed as she hugged her pillow

"why" she whined stretching the 'y' while the alarm ringed loudly in the background.

[I say goodbye without a kiss _Letting go of this love is next to impossible]_

When this thing inside of her grows to the point where is too much. She decides to take Shizune's advise and make distance the answer to her problems.

Five months isn't that long after all. A bit of rest, a new perspective might help her.

Tsunade gives her a suspicious look that Sakura ignores. It seems the norm now. Ignoring Jounin's curious gazes.

When she makes her bag it feels like she is leaving to never return, but Kakashi's rejection, or lack of any action more like. Doesn't hurt that much (even if she cried a lot) it's a matter of moving on without hurting yourself. Waiting for Kakashi would be like waiting for the grey moon to kiss the radiant sun. She is the sun in this metaphor. She is always the sun. _don't forget you are the sun_ , she repeats to herself all the time, it's like a spell to ward off her weakness to feel strenght in front of him.

When she goes her equipment ready, hanging heavily on her back the last morning sun of Konoha on her face and the last person she is expecting to see is Kakashi "are you leaving, because" he stops himself standing behind her.

She waits once again, she is always waiting _you are the sun, you are always the sun_ she sings desperately as her blood rushes to her cheeks but the earth doesn't swallow her to avoid this talk. She knows the jutsu for it but she soldiers on after running a frustrated hand over her face she turns and looks at his eyes.

 _Don't forget you are the sun Sakura_

This is so awkward, it's not Kakashi's fault that she loves him, and went and ruined everything, she scratches the back of her neck "I- yes but not" she closes her eyes and smiles so fake it hurts, but it hurts less than outright crying. She opens her eyes "yes but don't worry I'm back in three months or so" it's so ingrained in her body that she goes to kiss his cheek, stops and tracks back, right. Less contact she should be away from the connection they have established for the past year, she feels like the worst and her lips form a line "bye" she says quickly and turns to the path that leads out of Konoha. Her skin is clammy and she hates this is the last of Konoha she will see for a long time.

Her job takes more than three months. And in those months she grows a lot. Learns stuff she wouldn't have in the village. She feels lighter once she returns.

Almost skipping towards the entrance, regaling in the smell and the air of home.

She hasn't stopped loving him one bit.

Sakura smiles.

 _She still is the sun_

[A wolf cries to the moon _Tell me what you know of love]_

Kakashi knew she payed too much attention to him, too close he thought. She's too close but when she's gone he realizes he misses her.

It's not like Kakashi was in the dark about Sakura's affection for him, not that hard to read her, it was fun and it gave him comfort being around her, feeling that someone cared for him and worried for his well being. The nasty side of him loved the things he got from her without giving himself up. Closed down to anyone. Some of his friends made fun of him for it. Look there goes your girlfriend Kakashi, the pink haired earthquake, he wouldn't look, he had her memorized knew her steps and her sounds

[In another life I would gladly look at your eyes and not look away _In another life I could love you]_

It feels like retribution when she leaves, there's no hiding the fact that she left because of him, to forget him. Like it's easy to forget him. Like every time he turns after hearing a familiar sound his brain screams _it's her_ like a damn sunflower just looking out for her. But she's not there anymore, she left. She left because of him

He's mad too, Sakura made his life difficult too because…

She was always smiling at him and

Well she came too close to him always intruding and ordering him and

He won't say it

[I don't want to lower my arms. _I will have to look for you, in another life]_

Sakura tries to let go. There's a boy, several. she tries. She fails

She takes a day to mope, it feels so cliche but nice, sitting against a window as it rains while the people around eat and drink, unconcerned that her heart's a mess. She drinks her sake in one go and let's out a refreshing loud 'ahh' it doesn't help but it's a start.

[I think is your mouth that drove me _wild]_

Kakashi's dreams are domestic and lovely, his favorite is when he remembers that mission where Sakura danced close to a fire and invited him, she looked lovely barefooted in the dirt moving her hands as if calling the gods, he was also very drunk so the dream looks like a weird mirage everything orange tinted and warm. Most of his dreams are memories of her turning back to look at him, she's so tiny it feels heavy when she looks up at him.

[Your mouth drives me crazy _your kisses_ ]

When she comes back nothing has change in her heart but now she feels like she can at least live and distance herself from him. The way to her house feels lighter.

All of that goes out of the window the moment she sees him, it feels like being sucker punched. How can he just do things like this to her?

He rises his head from his book and get's up from her bed, there's a plant on her table that wasn't there before and he doesn't have his mask

He smiles when he sees her, she's comically holding herself in shock eyes and mouth wide, a lopsided smirk slowly forms on his lips

"Welcome home" he says. From her window the sun rises and it slowly baths them while they stand there, engulfing Kakashi and the mysterious plant in the morning light.

[The moon wants to change my destiny _The road awaits us]_

He steps closer to her as if to kiss her but stops at the last inch turning his head and pointing to his ear.

Dumbfounded she responds "I'm back"

And she's back home but this time it feels different "hey" she huffs once the shock leaves her and hits him in the shoulder, he slouches in place. she can't let him be cool for too long.

They both laugh and she drops her stuff on the floor and steps into his front. His hands reach up and holds her close, from his chest she says jokingly "you're dumb"

Kakashi sighs _I was_

 _Fin_


End file.
